Like many of us who have been on this spiritual journey, I have been in isolation for a long, long time. I mean, it's been like a drought period where there have been no friends, no experiences with other people, no interactions with other people, because I have been working on myself. I have been doing the inner work. I have been releasing. I have been letting people go, experiences go, things go, everything go, to the point where there has been nothing left but loneliness and isolation.
And I'm not talking about loneliness in the terms of, oh my gosh, I feel bad. It's just that there's been no one to share my experiences with, like real one-on-one, or real interactions where I felt like I was pouring into someone, or someone else was pouring into me in the physical. Apart from the online interactions that I've been having, there's been no physical person who has been able to sustain that interaction in a way that kind of made me fulfilled or whatever.
So the honest truth is that that area has been lacking. And we are social beings. We are here to socialize. We are here to be with other people. We are here to be part of community. And obviously I know that there's been that part of that isolation process, and people get used to those kinds of things. People get used to being by themselves and by being alone and whatnot. But the energies that are coming in at this time, and this creation of the new earth, is requiring community.
I am feeling this thing so strongly, and I'm sure there are some of us out here who are already feeling that pull to open up. I mean, it's hard. It's hard. It's tough to really bypass some of these comforting restrictions that we have had to place around ourselves in the past, for good reasons, for sure. And those cannot be discounted at all, because there were good reasons for us to put those boundaries in place, those boundaries to do the work within ourselves. But now it's just that time to come out.
So I have personally been making attempts to really try to broaden my perspective, to really come out of this shell, because I need to start getting used to the idea that this social element is going to be required. So I'm trying to put myself out there by doing different things with different kinds of people, and just trying to see how I feel. And some experiences have been good, but this last time I realized something, and it was just maybe a one-off. And maybe there are going to be a couple more of those, but I'm just going to try.
This last time, I had this experience where I felt really, really, really uncomfortable with a group of people. It's not like I don't know those people. We had gone for a birthday party, and for some reason there are so many birthday parties, and people are turning 50. I don't even know what's in the air, because there are so many people who were born in 1976. Maybe it means something. Everyone's turning 50, and I'm out here going out to people's 50th birthday parties. Maybe there's some symbolism in that. I don't know. But anyway, I went for this event at a coffee shop, and I tell you, it was so hard for me to be in the midst of those friends or whatever. I just struggled. I struggled so hard I couldn't even breathe. I was just sitting there and just observing myself. I was kind of having an outer body experience. I could see myself looking at the group of people, and just seeing this fake smile, and just me trying to force myself to be there and to have conversation about meaningless things.
I just was so tired. I'm telling you, there were multiple deep breaths that I was having to take as I was just feeling my energy leaving me. And I was just like, Caroline, try your level best. But this thing was not organic. I was struggling to be in the midst of these people, and I was just like, oh my gosh, I cannot have one more conversation about something that's not making sense to me. And it was just like everything was just coming through this ear and going through the other ear, or just kind of swirling through my head. It was just emptiness for me.
For the other people, they were having fun. Everything was just like happening. People were in the midst of this thing, but I was just not able to get in the flow. But then the other thing I also observed is that nobody seemed to notice me. Nobody seemed to notice that I was there, or that I was experiencing anything. Life was moving on without me. The conversation was moving on without me. So it really didn't matter how I was feeling.
I was making this observation because I'm conscious about the interactions I was having, and I knew that this experience was not organic for me, because usually I meet some other people and we immediately get in the flow. And these people, I know them, but I was just not able to gel with them. It was just the strangest, strangest thing. And I was thinking, oh my gosh, Caroline, hopefully the future is not going to be like this, where I'm going to have to be placed with people that are just like this. But maybe this is also another kind of test, because these days in life I'm just like: what is really happening here? What do I need to see? What do I need to observe? How are things happening here? Maybe this is something that I need to pay attention to, because I might be in a situation where certain things will happen, and I'll remember: you've been here before. You can do this.
It was the strangest and oddest thing. So not all these interactions are working out the way they need to work out, even though the event ended up being successful. But I did observe myself being in a very, very difficult position, to the point where I had to call upon the breath, and I really had to take multiple deep breaths to be able to really be physically present.
And then the worst thing, which I really hate, was just to plaster this fake smile, and just this fake way of engaging in order to be a part of this group. And I could have been rude and left, but I didn't want to do that, because I mean, why? I just had to kind of sit there and finish the experience, for them to imagine that me who was really not present there. And they were obviously also not paying attention to me. It wasn't my birthday anyway, but I just kind of noticed that I was there. Nobody really cared whether I was there or not.
Not that I was the main person in the experience, but you're present but you really are not present, because nobody really sees you. You're just like this additional person who is making a part of someone else's movie, and that was exactly what it was. It's just such a strange thing. So that was my experience. It wasn't that good, but I noticed a couple of things. And well, maybe next time I'm going to have a better experience, and I'll let you know.
But in the meantime, interactions and social experiences are going to have to be happening more, at least for me. This is what I know: things are going to be happening, and we are going to be put out there as conscious beings to do certain things, and we best be ready. And we definitely are ready. It might not feel good in the moment, but we are ready, because it's the radiant energy within us. It's the light within us. It's the consciousness within us. It's the wisdom that we have within us that's going to be flowing forth. So let's just be ready. I mean, who knows? Things don't have to be always really, really, really good, and sparking lights here and there and whatnot. Sometimes the uncomfortable thing is the good thing. Who knows why we are in the situations that we are in.
There's no more hiding. I mean, for some people it may feel like that, but I know there's no more hiding for me. At least I know that my life trajectory is going to be one where I'm going to be put in situations where I will have to be present out there. What we did in the inner is coming out. It's going to have to come out. We are here for a reason. We all have to remember that, and that's what it is.
So let me know what you think about this, or whether you're still in isolation or not, or whether you had good experiences going out there or not. And until next time, I love you guys, and let's keep doing what we're here to do, because we are remembering why we are here. Bye.